I rarely leave the house with Ali and Sammy without hearing, ‘Are they twins?’ or ‘Double Trouble!’ ‘You have your hands full’ and ‘Better you than me’ are pretty common too. I know most people mean well, but sometimes I just want to ask people what they are thinking. Don’t worry, I don’t do that. But having twins means you get a lot of attention when you go out, especially when they are little and in the stroller. You can’t help but notice they are twins, and Ali and Sammy are very identical if you don’t know them. (Yes, they are identical if you do know them, but it is easier to tell them apart when you know them.) I try to stay mindful while getting twin attention.
Overall I get it, twins are pretty interesting. Babies, in general, are adorable. I find myself peeking over at strollers and babies when I’m out. And two babies? Well, people notice. There is something fascinating about the idea that two humans came into the world at the same time. This can be fun. I mean, what mom doesn’t want to show off her adorable babies? But it can get old quickly. You are out and about just trying to get things done, and people always want to stop to talk to you. Sure, it’s great to hear that your babies are cute. But then some people want to tell you all about any twins they have ever heard of or met in their lives. Or people want to ask you really personal invasive questions, like “Did you use fertility treatments?” This can get old quickly, but I try to keep calm and polite through these interactions.
I remember my curiosity
I was fascinated with all things twin when I was expecting. For all I know some of these people who are talking to me have twins on the way, have twin grandbabies on the way, or know someone who recently had twins. I was so aware of twins when I was expecting. I had questions and wanted to talk to anyone who might have information for me. So basically I stared down any twins I saw. I know people aren’t trying to be intrusive or ask inappropriate questions, they just honestly want to know about twins and talk about them.
I remember how much I have learned
I didn’t always know as much about twins as I do now. Before the girls were born I thought I had a general understanding of twins and how they come about. I had no idea how many different ways twins can be conceived, the different times the embryo can split, or the different ways twins can be set up in the womb. I didn’t know the challenges that twins can bring up, or what can be pretty easy after all. I mean, until you experience it yourself why would you? It is understandable that people might not know much about identical twins, or the prenatal medical care that twin moms often get. It makes sense that they haven’t thought of the logistics of carting two little babies around. I have first-hand knowledge of twins now, I can share what I know.
I remember how much I want to bond
I like to share my own experiences with other new moms. I think it is a common desire to bond on a mom level- you share what you know. My son is only 4 years old, but I already get a bit nostalgic thinking about when he was a baby. I understand wanting to remember his early baby days and all the good parts of them. When people stop me to tell me about their twins who are now adults I try to listen appreciatively. I know that will be me when the girls are all grown up.
I remember I don’t have to listen
People are just trying to help. Like a lot of moms, I get frustrated when given unsolicited advice on my babies. (Especially when I’m told it will get better. Why assume things can’t be good in the stage we are in? They are!) Just because someone wants to share a tip with me doesn’t mean I have to follow it. And who knows, it might actually be something useful someday! I try to believe people are just trying to help.
I remember babies bring joy
I don’t know other people’s stories. Babies are a joy. They smile sweetly and have the best giggles. They are little and cute and fun. I don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives. For all I know, seeing some sweet babies smile could be just the moment of happiness they need on a bad day. I get so much joy out of my daughters. I am happy that other people can find a reason to smile when they see my babies.
It can be easy to get frustrated by all the attention my twins get when we are out. I am usually just trying to get our errands done while keeping two toddlers and a preschooler in check. But these five things help me remember that the universe isn’t trying to slow me down during my day and that people aren’t being rude when they want to stop me and see my twins. Once the girls are walking it won’t be as noticeable that they are identical twins and I won’t get stopped as much. Then it will be me who sees sweet little twins in a stroller and wants to stop them to remember when my babies were that little.
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