Tips for visiting newborn twins.
Twins!! People love twins. And what’s not to love? Newborns are just little soft squishy balls of cuddly love. Newborn twins mean you have two of these to dote on!
So it makes sense that when someone you know has twins you want to run over and meet them as soon as you can find a spare minute.
Not so fast.
While I know you have the best of intentions, take a moment and pause before you go running to meet the new twins in your life. Those first few weeks with a new baby can be intense, and twins mean more than double the craziness.
So here are some simple rules to follow when visiting newborn twins. They will help you have a happy and smooth meeting to the new bundles of joy in your life.
What's In This Post?
- Tips For Visiting Newborn Twins
- Dos and Don’ts for Visiting Newborn Twins
- 1. Do call ahead before visiting.
- 2. Don’t mess with the schedule (or even question it really).
- 3. Do be open to holding a baby.
- 4. Don’t come over if you are sick.
- 5. Do ask if the new mom needs you to bring anything or do anything to help out.
- 6. Don’t judge.
- 7. Do offer to help take the twins out (when everyone is ready).
- 8. Don’t ask who is the evil twin.
- 9. Do take a moment to acknowledge the older kids.
- 10. Don’t forget to tell the mom she’s doing a good job.
- Visiting Baby Twins
Tips For Visiting Newborn Twins
Total honesty? I know articles like this can be annoying. You are just trying to do a nice thing for the new parents and meet their new twins. Why do I need to be giving your rules to follow?
Because they will help make sure you get your twin fix and the twin parents feel refreshed from your visit. All around? These suggestions keep everyone happy.
Dos and Don’ts for Visiting Newborn Twins
1. Do call ahead before visiting.
When you have newborns you’re going to be home a lot, right? Probably. But don’t think that means you can just drop by whenever you have a spare moment.
Feeding newborn twins can take a mother’s whole focus. And, for me at least, breastfeeding my twins meant everything was on display. (Topless was easiest!) While nursing your children is a beautiful and natural thing, I didn’t want everyone seeing my breasts.
Both twins sleeping at the same time? Most new moms aren’t going to want to wake them up for a social call. (It probably took a lot of work to get them both to sleep.)
So just give a call and plan a time to meet the twins.
2. Don’t mess with the schedule (or even question it really).
Every twin mom hears it. Get those twins on a schedule!
It is hard to get two babies on the same schedule, but it can be a lifesaver for twin life. It takes time to build a solid schedule, but the sooner you start the better.
So if it is time for those twins to eat? You let them eat. Twins need a nap? Sweet dreams, little babies.
Having twins on a schedule can be the difference between utter chaos and that twin mama getting a little bit of sleep. Don’t take that from her.
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3. Do be open to holding a baby.
Not everyone is a baby person. I totally get that. And you can want to be there to support a friend or family member and coo over their new baby without wanting to touch it.
But twins means two babies remember. And if you are visiting when just mom is home you might be called into baby holding duty.
I never wanted to make someone take care of my babies when they visited. You don’t have to change a diaper or wipe up spit up. But if one baby started crying and I was in the middle of something with the other? It would mean so much if you would consider holding that crying baby until I could get to her.
If you aren’t comfortable with it, don’t hold a baby. You have a right to your boundaries. But you did want to come visit, so I’d at least try to give a cuddle if needed.
4. Don’t come over if you are sick.
Or if you have recently been sick. Or if you think you might be sick. (You know like if you had a tickle in your throat the past few mornings. You don’t need to stay home, but maybe something is brewing?)
It isn’t good for any newborn baby to get sick. Twins are often born smaller and earlier than singletons, making them more susceptible to illness and making it more serious if they do get sick. Even if it is just the sniffles and their little immune systems can take it, chances are if one twin gets sick the other will too.
Do you really want to give the new twin mom in your life the gift of two sick babies? I didn’t think so.
5. Do ask if the new mom needs you to bring anything or do anything to help out.
I’m not a big fan of asking guests to bring something or help out around the house. Even with twin newborns I thought it was bit much to expect others to take care of me or my twins. It’s my job.
That being said, it can be so kind and helpful to offer to bring something over. A lot of twin moms end up on bed rest while pregnant or are just frankly too tired from gestating two babies before the birth to prep a lot of meals ahead of time. So bringing over something to eat can be amazing.
Getting a coffee was the greatest thing ever in those first few weeks with twins. Really anything that made me feel a bit more human was heavenly.
The best thing was just to hear the offer though. It reminded me that people cared and that I was still a person too, not just an accessory to my twins. So if you can, make the offer.
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6. Don’t judge.
This should be the default, right? Just don’t judge.
Don’t judge if the twin mom is formula feeding or breastfeeding. Don’t judge if she dresses her twins in specific colors to help remember who is who or if she takes obsessive notes on who poops when because she will forget.
And especially don’t judge if you have never had twins or multiples. Twin moms set up all kinds of systems that might look crazy to an outsider but are vital to making twin life work. When we find a method that works for our twins, we use it.
If the twins spent time in the NICU your friend might be paranoid about the smallest details and you might think she is crazy. Let it go and let her be. Her babies, her rules.
If there is a real safety concern, yes say something. But otherwise, keep it to yourself.
7. Do offer to help take the twins out (when everyone is ready).
Getting out of the house with twins can seem like an impossible task. I’m a big fan of encouraging twin moms to take their twins out on their own. It only gets easier the more you do it.
But more hands to help is always nice.
Knowing someone has your back and can help if an outing goes south is amazing. Even if you just meet up at Target, it can be a worthwhile help. Knowing someone was on the other end waiting and wanting me to get out of the house was a huge motivation to make it happen. (And it makes moms feel less isolated, which can help fight postpartum depression.)
8. Don’t ask who is the evil twin.
I know, I know. It’s just a joke. But this is about more than humor, it’s about comparing the twins. Don’t compare the twins.
I don’t think anyone sets out trying to cause stress or problems but asking Who is the good sleeper? or Which is the mellow one? can be problematic. Twins are set up for a lifetime of direct comparisons, but even identical twins are unique individuals. No two people experience life exactly the same way.
So you can’t compare them. Doing so will at least add stress to the mom’s plate as she already worries about the development of both babies. Help start good habits by seeing two special and unique babies that are wonderful, not carbon copies to be compared.
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9. Do take a moment to acknowledge the older kids.
This one only applies if there are older siblings, but if you are visiting and they are around, take a minute to say hello and see how they are doing. If they aren’t home, try to remember to ask about them.
Twins are disruptive and every member of the family feels those big changes. Twins also get a lot of attention, and older siblings can start to feel like they don’t matter in comparison. They need to be seen and reminded that they are still important too.
You don’t have to do anything special, just talking to them for a minute or two works. And as a twin mom, I loved knowing that other people remembered to consider my singleton. Mom guilt hits every mother, and twin mom guilt is huge. This one little thing helps assuage that guilt a bit.
10. Don’t forget to tell the mom she’s doing a good job.
This is another little thing that has a big impact. Tell the twin mom in your life she is doing a good job.
It can feel awkward to say. And your twin mom friend might look like she has this twin thing under control. But say it anyway.
I like to think I don’t need acknowledgment for what I do as a mom. I do what needs to be done, like all moms. But hearing someone say those words, You’re doing a good job, that can help me get through the hard days.
Moms just want to be seen and know that all the work they put into their twins is appreciated. So even if you think they are nailing twin life and don’t need anyone to help them out, tell them they are doing a good job.
Visiting Baby Twins
I know that as a new twin mom it is easy to be overwhelmed. You are exhausted, emotional, outnumbered. And did I mention exhausted?
But I didn’t want to discourage loved ones from visiting, and I didn’t want to be rude when people did come over. I appreciated anyone wanting and willing to love on my new babies. These guidelines were what I found most helpful.
I hope they help make your visit to meet the new twins in your life go well too.
And to my fellow twin moms, anything you would add to the list? What was the most helpful thing when you brought home your newborn twins?
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